What If It's Not Too Far Gone ?

On Sunday we challenged you not to give up on relationships you felt were “dead” or too far gone to be repaired. The same spirit of God that raised Jesus from the dead is alive and at work today and can do a mighty work in our relationships with each other as well.

And I get it… that is easy to believe, but hard to do, and rare to experience. It isn’t just simply flipping a switch. It takes work… but it is possible. So if you are looking to put in that work and create some space for the Spirit of God to bring some dead parts of your relationships back to life… here are 5 tips I’ve found:

1. Own your part

Taking genuine accountability is the foundation of repair. Clinical psychologist and relationships expert Dr. Harriet Lerner highlights that a real apology isn't just about saying the words; it's about carrying the weight of your actions.

"More than anything, the hurt party needs to know that we ‘get it,’ that our empathy and remorse are genuine, that the feelings make sense, that we will carry some of the pain we’ve caused, and that we will do our best to make sure there’s no repeat performance." —Dr. Harriet Lerner, Clinical Psychologist

2. Listen without defending

When tensions are high, our instinct is to protect ourselves. However, Dr. John Gottman, one of the leading researchers on relationship stability, emphasizes that listening is about understanding, not necessarily agreeing.

"Validation doesn't mean that you agree with your partner. It means that you can understand why they feel the way they do." — Dr. John Gottman, Psychological Researcher and Clinician

3. Communicate directly

Passive-aggression and hints only create more confusion. Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor who studies courage, vulnerability, and shame, boils effective communication down to one simple, direct rule.

"Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind. Feeding people half-truths to make them feel better (which is almost always about making ourselves feel more comfortable) is unkind." — Dr. Brené Brown, Research Professor

4. Set healthy boundaries

Boundaries aren't walls to keep people out; they are the rules of engagement that allow a relationship to continue safely. Therapist and boundaries expert Nedra Glover Tawwab explains them as a necessary tool for mutual respect.

"Boundaries are expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships. Expectations in relationships help you stay mentally and emotionally well." — Nedra Glover Tawwab, Licensed Clinical Social Worker

5. Show up consistently

When trust is broken, words and promises don't carry much weight—only track records do. Clinical psychologist Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, who specializes in trust recovery, puts it like this:

"Trust is not a given; it must be earned, and re-earned, through consistent, verifiable behavior." — Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, Clinical Psychologist

May God be with you as you put in the work to resurrect some relationships.